Scott Eyre - My Story
Being told you're going to be a dad for the first time is something absolutely amazing, I honestly cant gauge the happiness that filled my body and soul that day.
Going in for that first scan was a morning of complete excitement and worry all rolled into one, no matter how good I was feeling I couldn't shake the stories you see or hear about.
Holding my partners hand whilst the sonographer looked for our baby was a mixture of emotions. A black screen with a white image of our baby appeared. Seeing our baby on the screen for the first time filled my heart with warmth and my eyes with tears, tears of an overwhelming sense of purpose now, I'm a dad, A DAD.
The sonographer mentioned she was small for her gestation but its nothing to worry about, and we left happy and filled with excitement.
Another scan was booked and we soon returned to have our second scan, a little bigger this time but she wouldn't get into a clear position to get all the measurements meaning a third scan was needed. Blissfully unaware and leaving with photo’s this time we went home and announced our news to the world.
With no luck of getting the right measurements after the third scan, a blood test was done and we then had a call from the hospital asking us to come in to discuss the results. Blissfully unaware, with small doubt it could be anything major. My partner and I went to the hospital. Our consultant looked at us and said, “Your blood results have come back showing extremely low levels of protein, and we are sorry to say we think your baby has Edwards syndrome.”
Feeling completely helpless and utterly heartbroken we cried uncontrollably and it felt like our lives came crashing down.
We left the hospital with a leaflet on Edwards Syndrome and an appointment two weeks later for an amniocentesis.
Between these appointments my partner Hollie found out about a safe test. (NIPT test) a call to the consultant at the hospital to ask if Hollie was eligible for this test, and if we could opt for this, as it was safer was the first port of call.
The test is a 98% accurate diagnosis, and tests for Edwards Syndrome, Down syndrome and Patau Syndrome. Our consultant told us we were eligible for this test and at 15 weeks gestation we went in to have this done. Not being able to do anything we carried on with our lives and after waiting a week for our results, trying to think positive and stay strong for my partner, the consultant called with our results and Hollie called me .
“Scott our baby is fine.. the results came back with 1 in a million chance for all three syndromes. (between sobs) we can now relax and enjoy the pregnancy” I cant explain how i felt at the moment other then shear relief.
Of course more tears of joy; absolute happiness and positivity filled us and we were back on our high.
Sadly our happiness wasn't to be long lived and at our 20 week scan we were told our baby’s stomach was far too small and we were booked into St Georges Hospital the following day for a second opinion. A knot formed in my stomach and absolute dread. Hollie continued to remain positive saying “we have a fighter and we’ll be fine” On the hottest day of the year, impatiently waiting finally we were called in for our scan. Three consultants looked at our baby that day, whispering, checking and take notes, although we could see her moving on the screen we knew something was wrong.
Looking back the news came as a blur…
“Hollie the scan is showing some abnormalities with your baby. We cannot see the fourth chamber of the heart. It looks like possibly spinal defects, such as spina bifida and the tummy is far too small. We think your baby has Triploidy. We can’t be sure, the only way to be certain is by having an amniocentesis, which we can do for you today if you like,”
It felt like the end of my world, I held my partner close as we hauled and cried.
I've never felt so helpless in all my life, squeezing Hollie’s hand and watching the consultants tell Hollie to stay still as she sobs and tears run down her cheeks, only being able watch as the needle is pushed into her stomach for the test was quite simply the hardest thing I've ever done.
An agonising week of waiting, sitting in the house, not wanted to be apart or in public in case we got the dreaded call. When the call finally came the amniocentesis results confirmed our baby had a rare chromosome defect called Triploidy and we faced the decision as to whether to continue with the pregnancy or not. After plenty of research, questions and discussions we decided we didn’t want our unborn child to suffer in anyway. Knowing our baby wasn’t compatible with life outside the womb, and if we carried on with pregnancy we could risk Hollies fertility, we decided with heavy hearts that we would end our pregnancy. A decision no parent ever wants to make and something that will haunt us forever. At our 20 week scan our consultant had written in an envelop that we were having a girl and on a sunny afternoon stroll around Bushy Park we decided to name our daughter Hope.
Through our journey the staff at St Helier Hospital were amazing and supported us every step of the way.
5 days we were in hospital, i have never felt so helpless and useless in all my life. Trying to do anything I can to help our daughter come into the world and stay strong for Hollie. Hope finally arrived on 6th August 2016 at 10.26am. The day I became a dad for the first time. My heart filled with love and pride as my daughter came into this world sleeping. Wiping away tears and holding Hope in the palm of one hand, she was so tiny, beautiful and perfect.
I got to cut the umbilical cord which I felt numb and worried. We got to spend the night with Hope, creating memories we would never get the chance to do again. For a time which should have been filled with happiness, all i could feel with despondency and heartache. All I could think is why, why does this happen. Why us, Why anyone.
The week we were in hospital we discussed how the bereavement room really needed improving and should be more comfortable and warm.
When we left the hospital the following weeks were hard, but we focused on helping other families and set about what needed to be done. Hollie and myself started the Bearing Hope campaign and started our mission to revamp the bereavement room. This room is a very special place to us, which will forever be in our memories. Knowing how often this room is used we started crowdfunding, so other families have a better environment around them at such a sad and difficult time.